so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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