That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
