She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
