Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
