i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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