I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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