Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
