yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize