I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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