your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
