Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i dont even know how to be here
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
