Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Of course I have a pirate flag
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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