Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Randomize
