He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
