You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize