Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
