Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Two words: blizzard sex
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
