I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
