he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
