I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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