Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
