Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
