ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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