Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
