tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize