come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
