Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
