Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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