What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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