So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
