help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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