Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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