I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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