About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
