Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
