After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
