I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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