we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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