How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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