He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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