I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
