I didn't shave. On purpose
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
