You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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