You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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