That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
