She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
