I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
