I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
