I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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