I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
