I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
