I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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