Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
