New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
