I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
