and my herpes radar will keep us safe
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
