No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
