dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
