i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
