mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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