you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
