Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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