I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
