I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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