so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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