I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
