You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
