Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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