Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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