I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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