Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
