guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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