ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
