I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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