You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
