He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
