Your face is a jimmy john
People with herpes should wear stickers.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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