before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
