is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize