Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
